BRCAfest update!

On 9th April, BRCAfest is taking place in Mill Hill. As well as having our raffle, we are also going to be having an auction on the day.

We have wonderful auction prizes.

1) accommodation for one week in Quinta Do Largo in the Algarve

2) a signed goodie from Jessica Ennis

3) two signed framed framed football shirts. One by Gareth Bale and the other by Juan Mata.

To be in with a chance to win these incredible prizes buy your tickets for BRCAfest now! Use the link below to purchase your tickets.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/brcafest-tickets-32137050784

Remember this event is going to spread vital awareness of BRCA mutations, hereditary cancers and the incredible work that the Royal Marsden does.

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BRCAfest

After I had my surgery in August 2016, my friend called me with an incredible idea. She had come up with an event to raise awareness about BRCA mutations and the associated hereditary cancers. With the support of our families, friends and lots of other people who have donated things we are very excited that BRCAfest (hopefully the first of many) will be taking place on 9th April. This is event is in support of the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity. Please see the flyer for more details. You can purchases tickets by clicking on the link below.

 

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 We are still looking for raffle prizes and soft drinks for the event. If you are able to help us with this, or know of anybody who is able to help us with this please email findingcyril@gmail.com.

I want to thank everybody again for their love and support. It means the world to me.

Happy birthday to me!

Today marks my 28th birthday and so it feels like an appropriate time to update Finding Cyril with a new blog. A lot has happened since I found that I was in remission on 16 November 2016. I have adjusted well to my three weekly Avastin treatments, I have started to go back to school, I feel able to go out and do more things, and as a result, have met some really lovely new people. It goes without saying that I have good and bad days. And then there are the days when I can experience what feels like every emotion under the sun in the space of a day. 

 It is hard to put into words what I am feeling on my birthday this year. It’s a real mix of emotions, thoughts and feelings. I thought I would try my hand at poetry as a way of expressing some of it. I’m no poet but here goes!

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The thing that comes to mind most of all today is how grateful I am to my team members who are helping me in my current boxing match with ‘Cyril’ (the match where the goal is to remain the champion). My team includes: my medical team, my Avastin treatment, my family and friends, my dog Oscar (concerning that I’ve just realised he has not been mentioned in this blog thus far), Chai Cancer Care and every person who has and continues to support Finding Cyril raise awareness and funds for the incredible Royal Marsden. Thank you all – you really have made this birthday one I’ll never forget. 

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Angels in comfortable shoes

I have spoken many times about the incredible medical team that looks after me. It consists of so many amazing people, but I wanted to write specifically about one group of people who are so integral in the supporting patients through their cancer journey: the nurses. As a patient, you end up meeting so many nurses: at chemotherapy, during inpatient admissions or at outpatient clinic appointments. Every nurse that I have met athe Royal Marsden has left a mark on me – and I don’t just mean at the site of my cannula! So to try and explain more, I’ve written about my experience of nurses from when I was diagnosed, throughout my chemotherapy and surgery and as I continue on with my treatment. 

 Diagnosis

On the 3rd June 2016, I entered the Royal Marsden for the first time clutching the hand of an A&E nurse who had decided to travel with me from Barnet hospital. She had made the journey with me because she saw how distressed and overwhelmed I was. When we arrived, I was met by an extremely caring nurse who did everything she could to make me feel calm whist I waited for the consultant to arrive. I always remembered her and how much she tried to put me at ease. Months later, on the 7th November, I was having my final chemotherapy session which had overrun as I needed a blood transfusion. The chemo ward was closing and so I was moved to a general inpatient ward to finish treatment. Unbeknown to her or me, she was my nurse that evening! It was such an emotional reunionI was able to update her on how my treatment had gone and tell her that I had succeeded in kicking ‘Cyril’ out of the boxing ring! This nurse put my first Marsden cannula in, and it seemed quite fitting that she took the cannula out from my final chemo session (shown in the photo below).

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 Chemotherapy and day treatment unit nurses 

I had eighteen sessions of chemotherapy and it did not take long for me to get to know all the amazing nurses on the chemo ward. They are always smiling, eager to know all about the things that you have been doing between sessions and always there to comfort you. They make you feel like a person and not just a cancer patient. The care they give you is nothing short of incredible.  For me, I always remember the small things: how they would take time to prep my hair for the scalp cooling, explain complicated medical things in a way that makes sense (even after I had asked them the same question numerous times!), make sure you are comfortable, warm enough, cool enough, hydrated and not hungry. They’re also always ready to have a laugh with you. I can think back to so many funny times when I had my pre-meds which would make me feel slightly drunk or make me wriggle in the chair because one of the pre-meds causes an itchy bottom! I still have my treatment every three weeks on the ward so still get to be looked after by this wonderful nursing team.

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 Inpatient ward nurses 

I also met many different nurses when I was admitted to hospital for my surgery.  I clearly remember the nurse who looked after me in the surgical admissions unit. He was amazing at keeping me calm when I was possibly the least calm I’ve ever felt. I obviously never met the nurses who assisted my operation, but I know from reading and talking with my consultant what an important role they have in theatre. Throughout my stay in Critical Care I was cared for so well. I remember waking up on the unit after surgery and knowing that I would be ok when I heard my nurse’s calming voice. Every nurse I met in this unit made me feel incredibly safe in the initial post operation period, which can seem really frightening at times. Again it was the small things: helping me to keep clean, doing my hair (without a hairband…one nurse managed to fashion a hairband out of the top of a surgical glove!), making sure I was comfortable with pillows, helping me to slowly start drinking fluids and just holding my hand and encouraging me when I was in pain.

 When I moved of the unit on the general ward the nurses were also brilliant. Each stage of your recovery requires something different and they seem to know just what you need to get you through itThe ward nurses were reassuring but also very encouraging; if they thought I could do something on my own they would help me to do it rather than do it for me. They helped me have a shower for the first time and were so encouraging with my rehab. After surgery one of the goals on the ward is to be able to get your catheter removed as soon as possible and use the bathroom instead. This obviously involves walking, which after surgery, is much harder than you can ever imagine. My nurse would keep encouraging me to walk just that little bit more each day because she knew I could get to the point of having it removed…which felt like such a big milestone. I also was so grateful to be able to talk to the nurses – they have so much experience that I always felt like they understood what it was like when I feeling low or having a bad day.

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Clinical Nurse Specialist 

 At the Royal Marsden you are also assigned a clinical specialist nurse who is there to support you throughout your journey. I met my nurse on my first night in the Royal Marsden back in June, and I know that she is always there when I need her. After my operation it was so helpful to talk through all of the possible symptoms of menopause with her, some of which I had never even considered before then. After having this conversation, I remember feeling a lot calmer about menopause because I knew what to expect. It’s also reassuring to know that there is someone on the end of a phone or email who you can contact with a question or worry. 

 So there’s a brief look at how the nurses at the Royal Marsden who have been, and continue to be, such an important part of my journey. They hold a very special place in my heart. As a patient, I’ve found that you never forget what the nurses say, what they do and how they make you feel. I would like to take this opportunity to thank, not just nurses that I have come in contact with, but to nurses in general. 

You may have started reading this blog and wondered about the title. When I was reading up on the role of nurses I came across the idea and it just seemed to completely fit with my experience of them. ‘Angel’ is one of the best ways to describe nurses. And the comfortable shoes…well if you’ve got to the end of this you will hopefully understand just how much nurses do in a day – even angels would get sore feet.

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Be BRCA aware


Merry Christmas to the Royal Marsden

When I heard the words ‘complete remission’ on 16th November 2016 I was able to breath a big sigh of relief; I had reached a huge milestone. I’m now a few weeks into my second boxing match with ‘Cyril’ – thaim of this match is to remain the champion. As I expected, its been a rollercoaster, with good and bad days. 

 My three weekly Avastin treatment is going well. My tumour markers are behaving and my ‘Normal List’ is helping me to stay focused on reconnecting  with all the things I’ve had to put on hold over the last six months. Doing this is helping me to regain control of my life instead of allowing my fears and anxieties to take over. Sometimes the fears do overwhelm me, but I see it as my job to try and take the reins back when this happens. Otherwise I risk stopping myself from achieving all the things I want to do. It’s like what Dame Elizabeth Taylor once said:

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.’ 

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 This week I was feeling well enough to attend a Monday staff meeting at my school (doing school things was on my normal list) and go to the staff Christmas dinner. It was an opportunity to focus my mind on work for a while which I really enjoyed. Next up on the list is to go to the gym on my own. I’m so grateful for all the support from the Chai Cancer Care’s physiotherapy team who have worked with me on a weekly basis and helped me get to this point. They have given me the confidence I needed to get back to a point where I can think about going back to a gym on my own. 

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 This week I also attended a carol service outside the Royal Marsden in Chelsea to mark the turning on of their Christmas tree lightsEvery Christmas, the Marsden offerpeople a unique way to remember and honour their loved ones. They give the public the opportunity to purchase a personalised star on the Christmas trees, which stand tall and proud outside the entrances of the Chelsea and Sutton hospital sites. You give a donation to buy the star that then goes up on one of the trees. You also receive a gold star lapel badge as a reminder of your star on the tree. The money that the Marsden raises goes back into the hospital to help them continue doing the incredible work that they do. I put a star on the tree year in memory of somebody very close and special to my family, and I will continue to do this each year. It was a beautiful and moving ceremony and I felt very emotional as I thought about everything I have been through in the last six months and what I continue to battle with. I also thought about others who are affected by cancer, and about the inspirational young man who I put a star on the tree for. At the same time, this service gave me a chance to look forward and think about my future. There was something very special about standing outside the hospital that saved my life, surrounded by a beautiful Christmas tree, gorgeous Christmas lights, carol singers and lots of people. 

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Continuing with the Christmas spirit, I would like to share something that my school have done to mark Christmas this year. They decided that rather than giving out Christmas cards to one another, they would instead donate the money they would have spent on cards to Finding Cyril’s just giving pageI felt so overwhelmed by the gesture, and I am honoured to be part of such a wonderful and supportive team. I am so excited to eventually be back at work with them all. 

 These Christmas donation ideas got me thinking, and this week I have come up with an idea that I have appropriately named Merry Christmas Marsden.’ I am sure we all have those moments when our wallet gets too bulky with coins, or we find loose change at the bottom of our bags. So this Christmas, why not count out some of these coins and donate the value of them to the Finding Cyril’s fund for the Royal Marsden? I opened my wallet this morning and had change to the value of £1 in coins, so I donated this to Marsden by texting FICY58 £1 to 70070. 

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 You can donate £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 by text, and anything from £2 upwards online on the Just Giving Page. If your loose change makes up less than £1or you just want to get rid of your loose coins I have Royal Marsden Charity boxes to fill upPlease email findingcyril@gmail.com if you would like to do this. These small donations add up and will contribute to the on-going care the Marsden offers people living with cancer. So go on…lighten your wallets, rid yourself of noisy loose change and donate to a great cause this Christmas.

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 As we approach the Christmas holiday and end of the year I’ve been reflecting on my year and all that has happened in it. I think about just how special the Marsden is to me, not just the doctors and nurses, but everyone there who works tirelessly to make a difference to people living with cancer. It is because of them that I’ve got to the point where I can do ‘normal’ things again and even new things. It means that as I bring in the New Year I can look ahead to getting back to being ‘Laura Moses.’ Because whilst ‘Cyril’ is a part of my journey and identity, it is definitely not all of it. So thank you and Merry Christmas to the Royal Marsden.

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Let’s talk menopause!


Laura 1 – Cyril 0

Back in June I entered into the ring to start my boxing match with ‘Cyril.’ There have been rounds that I’ve found simple to win, others that have felt like a bit of an effort, and those that have been extremely challenging. And then there were the ones that felt just completely impossible to win. The final round of the match was on Monday when I had my repeat CT scan. Shopping and lunch with my aunt followed my scan!

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And the winner was announced on Wednesday, when I met with the professor in charge of my chemo for the scan results. He confirmed that the scan showed no evidence of ‘Cyril,’ which means that I am now in remission!! That’s the word I’ve been waiting for and it felt just as good to hear as I thought it would. Wining this match doesn’t mean the end of my treatment, but it marks a huge milestone for me, and one that I’m so proud and grateful to have got to. 

 For the next year, I will be back at the Marsden every three weeks for my Avastin – the maintenance IV drug I’ll be on. I had my first one on Wednesday after my scan results and my veins and blood behaved themselves so treatment went smoothly. Once again, I had my usual dose of IV magnesium for 3 1/2 hours, but the time past very quickly because I had my trusty colouring book and was chatting away with the wonderful nurses and doctors on the ward. I finished this long day at the Marsden with my third session of acupuncture. This is helping to reduce the intensity of the hot flushes and night sweats that I get due to the menopause. Before heading back home on the train, I had a celebratory burger with my dad and sister. I am so proud of myself, as eating in a restaurant is no longer as anxiety inducing as it was a few months ago, and I can enjoy doing this a lot more now. 

Last week, I shared some of the things on my ‘Normal List’. I wrote it to help me deal with the fact my treatment is now every three weeks, to stop me worrying about what my tumor markers are doing and my future health. It was also to help me get back into all the important non-cancer things in my life. They may seem like small things, but they’re things I’ve not been able to do until now. The list seems to be working well. So far I’ve ticked off:

• going on the train on my own 
• going up to the Marsden for an appointment on my own
•  going out for dinner 
• out for lunch with friends 
• going shopping! (supermarket and clothes shop) 
• cooking a meal
• buying an outfit for my friend’s wedding next year 

 

I have also added some new things to the list this week. I’m going to visit the school I work at on Monday 21st November and I’m also planning a trip to a Christmas market. I find that when I’m doing something from my list, I’m focused on the activity,  and all of things that worry me seem to temporarily fade away. I have become eager to tick things off my list, and take a selfie of myself or a photo so I’ve got a record of what I have done. I’ve included some of the selfies and photos I have taken so far…

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The list is really helping, but I know from my experience so far, feelings come and go and you always need to keep mindful of what you might need or what might be helpful at different points on this journey. This week I was reminded about the importance of asking for help if I am struggling to cope.

Back to the boxing match and my win! There are so many people who have helped me to win this fight: my medical team, my family, my friends, Chai Cancer Care and every single person who has supported, and continues to support, Finding Cyril. And possibly most important of all my body has helped me. I am so thankful to my body because it did an incredible job at letting me know that ‘Cyril’ was there, and then in helping me fight it. 

So now I have started my next match, but this time with the experience and knowledge from having already got through the first one…

Match two statistics 

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 Aim: To keep ‘Cyril’ out of the ring so that I can hold my position as the champion

 Player: Laura and her body

 Team members: Avastin, Royal Marsden medical team, family, friends, Chai Cancer Care, my Finding Cyril blog and my ‘Normal List’

The challenge of this match is time. It’s going to be a very long one and I have no doubt that there will be bumps along the way, and times when I feel my position as champion is being challenged. But I won the belt in the first match, and I will also win it this time round. I wear my belt from the first match every day. It’s my scar and it is proof that I am stronger than ‘Cyril.’ The belt from the second match will be the joy of achieving all of the things that I want to, whilst also dealing with any obstacles that the match may throw my way. 

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As my oldest sister told me on the 9th June when I was diagnosed, “Cyril messed with the wrong b****!”

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Keep calm and make lists

On Monday 7th November, I was back on the chemo ward to complete cycle six of my chemo. This also marked the end of my chemo! Below is a photo collage that my brother made for me to mark this milestone. The end of chemo doesn’t mean the end of my treatment though; it means I’ve finished one more stage of it. I will be back at the Marsden next week for a new CT scan, and to see the professor in charge of my chemo to get the scan results. I’ll also find out a bit more about my three weekly Avastin maintenance treatment.

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So back to chemo this week. After took two attempts to get my cannula in, everything went smoothly. It was great to have a visit from my consultant and specialist nurse during the day. As we stood together talking at my final chemo session, I had a flashback to 3rd June when we all first met, but in very different circumstances. I had not slept for a day, was in my pyjamas and a hoodie that was far too big for me with a crazy, ‘I’ve not dealt with my hair for two days’ hairdo. I was also filled with anxiety, fear and shock. On Monday, it was a completely different story. I was dressed in clothes that made me feel good, had make up on and had exchanged the crazy hairdo for a cooling cap. More importantly, I felt like a completely different person. This flashback made me emotional because it was another reminder of how far I have come with the support of my incredible medical team, family and friends. We all spoke about what I was going to do to celebrate getting to this point. I have a long list, but the first thing I plan to do is get my nose pierced! After years of saying I want to get it done, but being too scared of the pain, I’ve decided to go for it. Given the amount of cannulas I’ve had this year, and not forgetting the major surgery bit, I’m hopeful that a small piecing will be nothing in comparison!

Back to chemo this week…My magnesium and haemoglobin were low, so that meant another 2 ½ hours of IV magnesium and a 4-hour blood transfusion after my chemotherapy drugs. I ended up being at the Marsden from 8am-9pm… A new record for me! As I was there so late, I had to be transferred to an inpatient ward for the final unit of blood, because the chemotherapy day unit closes at 7pm. Luckily I had plenty of evening company. It was wonderful to have my friend Rosie, my dad, my aunt and my sister with me. I also received beautiful bouquets of flowers from my friends Rosie and Jessica. As I have explained before, flowers make me think of a quote by Henri Matisse: ‘Il y a des fleurs partout qui veut bien les voir.’ This translates as: ‘There are flowers everywhere for those who want to see them.’ Matisse was highlighting the importance of optimism and having a positive outlook on life, which is something I know I need to be doing, despite the uncertainties that I feel I am facing.

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That evening on the ward, it was such a wonderful surprise to see the first nurse I met at the Marsden the day that I was transferred there from A&E back on 3rd June. She put my first Marsden cannula in, and it seemed quite fitting that she took the cannula out from my final chemo session. I hadn’t seen her since that first night, so I got to tell her all about my treatment and the blog.  I’m also so pleased that she now has a Finding Cyril band!

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In last week’s blog I spoke about my fears regarding my future health and how the ongoing support from my medical team, family and friends is helping me to deal with these fears. I also mentioned the need to find ways to cope with some of the difficult feelings and emotions. A few days ago, I tried something else – I decided to write a list called: ‘Normal Things.’ This list (I have shared a snippet of it below) includes lots of things that I haven’t done over the past six months, because I either haven’t felt able, or have been too anxious to do. Some of the things might seem really easy but they have become quite hard for me. My theory is that this list of things will help me to keep busy between my now three-weekly maintenance treatments at the Marsden, and therefore help keep my mind from focusing on what my tumour markers will be doing, and my worries about the future. My idea of the list relates to something that the American writer Dale Harbison Carnegie once said: ‘Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.’ As I have said before, I know that it is a case of trial and error to find the coping mechanisms that will help me deal with the uncertainties that I face, and I might have to adapt and change these mechanisms depending on what I am going through. I’m pleased to say that I’ve already ticked three things off my list this week….I took a tube on my own and went to my Marsden appointment on Wednesday on my own! On Thursday, I went to a shopping centre for the first time since my diagnosis and made some great purchases! I know that there are bound to be days when whatever I try to do to help me cope might feel futile, and that I may feel like I don’t know what my next step is. For now though, I’m just trying to stay focused on reminding myself that when things get tough, I have to get tougher and continue to push forward, however hard it feels.

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As I enter into the next phase of my treatment, I also find myself reflecting on the last six months, and the fact that I have learned, and I continue to learn, that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. There have been many times in my life where I have questioned my ability to do things, or thought that I was not strong enough to deal with certain things that were happening. But ‘Cyril’ has shown me that there seems to be a lot of truth in Bob Marley’s famous words: ‘You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.’

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Letters to my future self

On Monday 31st October, I was back on the chemo ward for session two of cycle 6.  Everything went to plan, and as is becoming routine now, I  needed IV magnesium.  I was lucky to have a lot of company this week, with my friends Rosie, Chloe and Sophie, who all gave up their lunch breaks to visit me on the ward. They kept me smiling and laughing the whole time. It reminded me just how lucky I am because I have the most amazing friends by my side. John Milton Hay, an American statesman and official, once said, ‘Friends are the sunshine of life,’ and these words ring true to me when I think about all of my incredible friends.

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I will be back at the Marsden this week for my ‘Look Good Feel Better’ session (check last week’s blog for more information on this). I’m also going to need another blood test this week to double check my haemoglobin level, which is dropping. So it might mean another blood transfusion. It’s strange to think back to how I felt when I was told I needed my first transfusion, as these have become such a routine part of my treatment now, that I don’t worry in the slightest!

As I might be having another blood transfusion, I wanted to use this an opportunity to remind everybody about an amazing charity called the ‘Joely Bear Appeal.’ They organise and run blood drives in North London. On 27th November, they will be running two drives: one at Edgware Community Hospital (8:20am – 16:30pm) and the other at Borehamwood & Elstree Synagogue (9:15am – 12:15am & 14:00pm – 16:30pm). Check out http://www.joelybear.org.uk/2016_11_Mitzvah_Day.html for further information.

As I have mentioned previously, I have started to become more anxious and worried about the future, and what might happen in terms of my health. I know that part of this is because my weekly chemo is coming to an end, and I’ll now be moving to a maintenance treatment that will happen every three weeks. The thought of not being at the hospital each week feels scary because it has become like a safety blanket for me. This sense of security is a testament to everybody there who is looking after me and helping me to get better.

I know that I’m going to find it hard to adjust to not getting my tumour markers results weekly; getting these always and makes me feel reassured that the treatment is working. I know that I will have moments between my three weekly sessions where I wonder if everything it still going to plan. It’s a worry that I’m sure everyone who is fighting ‘Cyril’ feels when their treatment pattern changes. I am always reminded that my medical team at the Marsden is always there for me, and that if I ever have a worry, concern or a problem all I have to do is ask. They want to support you in getting back to your regular routines, being safe in the knowledge that they aren’t going anywhere.

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I also know that I have to find ways to cope with the thoughts and worries that I am having now, and which I know that I’ll continue to have throughout my maintenance treatment, and beyond. It is a case of trial and error to find the things that work. Some things that I have tried haven’t worked as well as I’d hoped. For example, allowing myself to notice when I’m having a worrying thought, to acknowledge it and then and visualize it going away. Although this mindfulness technique is helpful, it’s something that I do find challenging, because I find it really hard to ‘let go’ of the thoughts. However, for me, a better way of being able to ‘let go’ of them seems to be through writing. Starting to write when I was diagnosed with ‘Cyril’ helped me to deal with the shock of the diagnosis and the treatment I needed to have. I don’t think that I realised just how helpful writing could be. It has allowed me to clear my head when it sometimes feels like it is going to explode with thoughts or worries.

You may be wondering about the title of this blog… After my surgery, my sister’s friend got me a beautiful book. The book has letters that you write to your future self, seal up and open whenever you want in the future. It now seems like a perfect time to start using it and something I feel will be helpful, both now and in the future. Writing about my goals, hopes, fears and worries in these letters allows me to express what I’m thinking now. Opening them in the future will allow me to look back on this journey at a time when I’m in a different place; psychologically and emotionally. Like I said already, it is going to be trial and error in terms of finding things that help me cope with my worries about the future and the uncertainties about my health. I know that the things that help me might change at different points depending on what I’m going through.

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In life, we all have to learn to deal with uncertainty at different points. I think the author Jaeda DeWalt describes this perfectly:

“Learning to navigate the unpredictable terrain of life is an essential skill to develop. We can’t live a happy life if we are unwilling to pave the path that will lead to our personal fulfilment and destiny. Learning to sit comfortably in the seat of uncertainty is challenging, but equally rewarding, because discovery is what waits just underneath the surface of that uncertainty and that gives us the chance to become fearless explorers, of our own lives.”

In my life there have been numerous times when I have sat in that ‘seat of uncertainty,’ and coming through those experiences was indeed rewarding. The greatest uncertainty that I have ever encountered was being told that I carry the BRCA 1 mutation and then being diagnosed with ‘Cyril’. In this period of my life ‘learning to sit comfortably in the seat of uncertainty’ is, as DeWalt says, and continues to be, challenging. I know that it will continue to challenge me as my treatment routine becomes less and I get back into the other aspects of my life. It will mean that I need to keep in mind the things that I find help me to cope and also find new coping strategies, so that I can enjoy getting back to some great opportunities. I have a wonderful job to get back to, a Masters degree to complete, which will be followed by a third graduation ceremony (the satisfaction of that being that I will be the sibling to don our father’s wall with three graduation photos!), as well as new opportunities in life that I don’t even know of yet.

So whilst I worry about chemo ending, treatment only every three weeks, and my future health, I must keep reminding myself that there are so many good things to come… And that’s why I think it’s a good time to start writing these letters to my future self, and see if this is an effective coping mechanism to help me to deal with the uncertainties that I am facing.

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